Over the Hedge (5/19)
Finally here’s a movie that speaks to that inert yearning of humanity. For deep thought? Nah. For groundbreaking visuals? Uh-uh. For basic entertainment value? Not even.
No, “Over the Hedge” explores the part of the human psyche that wonders whether Garry Shandling is still alive. Unfortunately, as the comedian’s voice presence in the latest dopey kiddie flick attests, the answer is yes.
To which I say, damn, Death sure is a picky bastard. He seizes Mr. Miyagi, Mickey from the Rocky movies, and Joe from “Reservoir Dogs” with abandon, yet lets Shandling run free to plague the earth with boredom. Of course, just because Shanding still breathes, that doesn’t give movie studios the right to continue hiring him. How is this guy famous? I’ve got testicles with more personality. Seriously, the left one is quite the conversationalist at parties and the like.
Anyway, back to the film, in which Shandling stays a step ahead of the unemployment line by playing a neurotic turtle. This Shandling turtle is at odds with a raccoon voiced by Bruce Willis. The raccoon does exactly what Bruce Willis would do in raccoon form. He goes around stealing shit from everyone he meets, and once he recruits a bunch of other happy tree friends, they start this massive syndicate in which they raid neighborhood houses and steal Cheez Wiz and Snicker Bars.
The turtle doesn’t like this, so he talks constant shit to the Willis character throughout the film. Frankly, this is where they lost me. How could Willis let such an asshead contradict him in public without ripping his balls off? Though this may be a kids’ film, there’s no sense in lying to little ones about real life, and “Over the Hedge” spreads a dangerous message to our youth - that standing up to Bruce Willis will not result in instant, brutal death. This may, of course, be part of Willis’ plan, for years of being the world’s preeminent badass have scared away the crowds of challengers, so he may be trying to soften up his image, thus drawing potential victims back in with a false sense of security. Don’t fall for it. Parents, by purchasing a ticket for your kid to this movie, you’re basically putting out a contract on your child’s life.