Snakes on a Plane (8/18/2006)
August 18th, 2006Indiana Jones would never see this movie, because he’s afraid of snakes. You should never see this movie, because you’re afraid of being let down by yearlong internet hype to pay $9 for a CBS movie of the week with a flash of fake tits and 100 minutes of Samuel L. Jackson screaming. I would explain why this movie sucks python in more depth, but I can’t because my brain isn’t working right now since I only got to sleep for three hours thanks to the fucking midnight screening that only seven other people went to besides me. Good job, Internet, way to promote a movie. I read online that New Line wasn’t able to presell out a single 10 p.m. or midnight screening last night across the country. Hooray, America! For once you’ve been able to transfer your apathy and laziness to a worthy cause: burying this bullshit franchise for good. Let’s pretend like it’s an election and sit on our asses this weekend and get the motherfucking snakes out of theaters.